When I first heard about the leaked opinion on the overturning of Roe v. Wade, I was surprised by the bodily reaction I had. I could feel the ache of adrenaline in the back of my neck. My stomach rolled. My thoughts scattered, then focused on what this ruling would mean.

I was raised to be “pro-life,” taught that abortion is evil and that this was The Moral Issue of our time. The overturning of Roe was always the goal, according to my parents and my church.

I was also not taught anything about the concepts of consent or bodily autonomy, or what sex is or how birth control works. I understood that I would learn about sex when I got married and that birth control was a sinful attempt to “play God.”…

Thoughts After Restore 2022

A couple weekends ago, I attended the second day of the Restore Conference outside of Chicago. I hadn’t really planned to go until I heard that some friends from Tears of Eden were attending, and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see them as they’ve been an important part of my healing this past year.

I will be honest: I was nervous about the conference though. I recognized many of the names on the speaker list, which told me that the conference would address spiritual abuse and other abuse in the Christian church, topics I’ve been researching and writing about for a few years now. But the tagline—“A Conference Restoring Faith in God and the Church”—didn’t quite resonate with me and my own journey after abuse…

You Are the Author of Your Story

For most of my life, my story was dictated to me. God had already planned my days, and if I wanted to honor him, I was supposed to follow my father’s interpretation of the Bible in order to fulfill God’s plan.

I was always a secondary character in this story. One could say the protagonist was God, the controller of the universe, but since he’s invisible, his stand-in was my father, eventually to be replaced by my future husband.

I remember once as a twenty-four-year-old, when I was trying to assert myself, I was told, “You can think whatever you want, but you can’t act on it.” That statement encapsulated the essence of the spiritual abuse I was experiencing…

Spiritual Abuse in the Christian Patriarchy Movement

When I was asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, “I’m going to be a stay-at-home wife and mother.” This wasn’t what I really wanted to be, but I believed that it was my destiny and that I had no other option.

As I got older, I was trained for this future, and I was told that after I graduated high school, I would stay in my parents’ home as a stay-at-home daughter until I got married. All my friends from church were given the same expectations. This was the norm in the Christian patriarchy movement.

Daughters were treated differently from sons because we were helpers in training. We were supposed to be dependent on men, protected by men. Any independence of thought or action was shut down . . .

How to Know You're in a Christian Fundamentalist Church

If you’re like me and you grew up under Christian fundamentalist teaching, then you probably know the Bible backward and forward, never dated (or at least wore a purity ring), and were told Democrats are demonic and Halloween is Satan’s holiday. And maybe, like me, you’ve since grown up and learned a lot about the world outside church walls, talked with people from different backgrounds, and looked at the Bible with fresh eyes and lots of questions. You might be deconstructing or reconstructing your faith, finding real freedom in the escape from legalism.

I’ve been working on deconstructing the worldview I was brought up in for quite a while now, and the more I move away, the more I notice fundamentalism, legalism, and patriarchy growing in evangelical churches. And I’ve been thinking about the people in these churches who didn’t grow up with this ideology--who didn’t have the consequences of living with perpetual shame and false guilt--because they probably won’t understand right away the impact that Christian fundamentalism and patriarchy can have on people seeking God. I’m concerned for the children who will grow up being imprisoned by legalism and distanced from the love of God.

So I’ve been thinking about signs or red flags that warn me that fundamentalism is in play in a church, and I hope my laying these out here might be helpful. . . .